He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
