You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
