If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
