dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
