hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
