I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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