where am i from again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
