I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
