they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize