I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
