I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
FUCK WHALES
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
