If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
