yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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