Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
