And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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