Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
