I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
