tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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