i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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