dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
