I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
