The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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