I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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