I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
