I just saw a hot homeless man
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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