and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
