Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
