Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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