How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
