bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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