and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
