I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
