Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
