he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
