She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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