This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
