guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
