I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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