I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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