She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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