i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
