so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
