Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
