Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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