she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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