So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
