He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
