Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
