are you still at the devil's house?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
