Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
