Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
