Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
