so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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