on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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