There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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