My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
