These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
