Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
