He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
