Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
