if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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