I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
