I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
