And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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