fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
