Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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