went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh god it's open bar.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize