I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize