PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
