I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
