girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize