So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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