I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I had to cum in my sink.
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